“I didn’t get heals!”: 30 comebacks for agitated healers
Or maybe you’re not an agitated healer. Most of us are fed up at some point though and have had about enough of 80 levels of whiners telling you they didn’t get healed before they dropped for reasons rather obvious to you. You wish you could take these players and throw them into your chair for a second to see how ridiculous they look from your end.
Fear not! Johannah the Smite Priest is going to equip you with the best comeback for any heal-fail occasion. Here are thirty different comebacks for healers that find themselves in these situations, for stress relief reading if nothing else.
“I didn’t get heals!”
Response:
- “That tends to happen when you try to mage tank something besides Gruul.”
- “Sorry, I was AFK looking at penguin porn.”
- “Next time you’ll scream ‘Heal [Name]‘ instead of ‘Heal me.’”
- “I’m confident enough in my healing abilities to know that you pushed a fail button.”
- “Don’t stand in colored shit.”
- “You frightened me when you screamed ‘Heal me’ in vent.”
- “Tends to happen when you let me tank [mobs / adds] the whole fight.”
- “And I didn’t get biscuits. What’s the problem?”
- “Funny thing that blue fire doesn’t heal you.”
- “Let me find the link for the Heals Flochart for you…”
- “Your mom didn’t get heals either.”
- “Hit F to see the tank’s target next time. There’s a reason it’s that letter.”
- “At least you scored A+ on dying?”
- “Yes you did. Then I figured out you weren’t the tank.”
- “I was petting my cat.”
- “The tank told me not to heal you.”
- “WTF. L2B indestructible!”
- “My bad. I was too busy inspecting your marvelous gear.”
- “THAT’S A 50 DKP MINUS.”
- “That’s because [name of member that randomly flew out of range] pulled a crapload of whelps and I screamed like a girl.”
- “I’m [spec], I can’t heal.” (There’s a lot of debate about this one, and it happens often. See forum post.)
- “Maybe if you lived more than half a second…”
- “I couldn’t find my Heal-While-Stunned button. Whoops!”
- “I have a healing priority. You should really be nicer to me.” (This one riles people up even though I actually just mash half-empty boxes; I memorize where tanks are on Grid and that’s about it! Well. Most of the time.)
- “Golden Rule: If a tank dies, it’s the healer’s fault. If the healer dies, it’s the tank’s fault. If the DPS dies, it’s their own damned fault.” (This makes a /chuckle macro for PUGs, even though it’s not always true…)
- “It was either you or me.”
- “I’m sensing a pattern.”
- “El-oh-ess.”
- “I had a keyboard aneurysm.”
- “Remember that time you rolled on my dungeon set pants for your boomkin…”
What is your favorite “I didn’t get heals!” comeback?
Check out other popular posts from Johannah:
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By Carey, January 6, 2010 @ 8:55 pm
My dps friend just thought of one: “What? You forgot your bandages?”
I love these! Thanks for a great laugh!!
By Kourtnie McKenzie, January 7, 2010 @ 12:22 am
Oh my goodness, how did I forget the bandages one!?
I’m glad you enjoyed them!
By bob, January 12, 2010 @ 9:36 pm
My fave is…
“I don’t heal tanks who chain pull with their healer at zero mana.”
By Kourtnie McKenzie, January 13, 2010 @ 9:34 am
I can’t believe I forgot that one! XD
Ventrilo:
Bear/Pally, “Tank down.”
Joh, “Kind of happens when I’m busy Hymn of Hoping.”
Kind of common, actually.
By Ani, February 8, 2010 @ 7:54 am
Lawl, i liked “Sorry, I was AFK looking at penguin porn.”
That made me laugh, i’m in class and i cracked up when i was reading these.
I’m a holy priest, just got a new spec from my guild leader, and alot of help on socketing and stuff. (: I’m healing alot better. I made another priest and tried your smite spec, it’s AMAZING. <3 I really miss disc healing though, i was rockin’ in battlegrounds.